waiting game

I journal. I write what's on my mind, verses in the Bible that are meaningful to me on any specific day, prayers, people on my mind, etc. I've never gone back and re-read what I've previously written. I figure I'll save that little joy for my great grand kids and they can read what a fine piece of work I was.

But I am in a mood. Which is code of STAY AWAY from me unless you want truth without love. I wrote this morning with my soy green tea latte with sugar-free vanilla syrup in the middle of Starbucks as usual for me to do on a Monday morning. I wrote in my journal raw, honest, brave, strong words to my father (the heavenly one). I'm angry. Really frustrated, really confused, and feeling like a great punishment has been done to me. Stuff I don't want my great grand kids to read.

I'm angry, not because I didn't get what I wanted but because I don't hear God. I'm listening too. Just a sentence from him would be good. An explanation would be even better.

I re-read my entire journal from the beginning of the year this morning. It didn't help. (Note to self --- don't need to do that again)But I did notice a journal entry I made on May 11, 2009 "Lord, develop in me patient endurance." based on 2 Peter 1:5-6, 2 Corinthians 1:6, Revelation 1,13,14.

Sheesh, I meant it at the time when I didn't know how hard patient and endurance used in combination would be for me.

New favorite verse: Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength…they shall run and not be weary." (Is. 40:31)

Oops, I just realized the word wait in that verse waiting requires patient endurance.

Pray for me, as you can tell I'm gonna need it :)